It’s Not Personal

Sep 7, 2025

And It Feels That Way

Have you ever had an experience at work that left you questioning your worth?

For me, it happened recently during performance review time. I had asked a peer for feedback. We had both agreed to support one another, yet when I reached out, they declined. At first, it stung. It felt personal — like my contributions didn’t matter.

But as I sat with it, I realized the truth. Their decision wasn’t about me. It was about them — their desire to claim credit and recognition, their drive to get ahead at all costs. And that had nothing to do with my value or what I brought to the table.

That experience reminded me to focus on what I truly want, the kind of people I want to work with, and how I want us to show up for one another.

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Why It Feels So Personal

Maybe you’ve been there too. A project doesn’t land. A colleague ignores your input. Feedback feels harsh. And suddenly you’re carrying the weight of it, believing it’s all about you.

Here are a few reasons why we tend to take things personally:

  • Job insecurity: Feeling unheard or overlooked can trigger fears of losing your role.

  • Fear of rejection: You may hold back effort to avoid being shut down.

  • Defensiveness: Feedback feels like an attack instead of an opportunity.

  • Past experiences: Childhood wounds or old patterns resurface in workplace dynamics.

  • Perfectionism: When your standards are impossibly high, even small critique feels crushing.

  • Strong identity at work: When your career is tied to your sense of self, challenges feel like attacks on who you are.

All of these can make another person’s action (or inaction) feel deeply personal — even when it’s not.

A Shift in Perspective

Here’s the truth: when you take something personally, it’s rarely about you. More often, it’s about patterns – theirs or yours.

Every situation begins with a thought that sparks feelings, which then shape the outcomes you experience. When you pause and explore those layers, you start to see what’s really happening beneath the surface and it often has very little to do with your worth.

A Practice for When It Feels Personal

The next time you feel the sting, try this:

  1. Sit with it. Let the emotions flow. Write them down without judgment.
  2. Write the story. What exactly happened? Get it out of your head and onto paper.
  3. Look back. Ask yourself: Where have I felt this before? What was happening then?
  4. Find the truth. What did I really want in that moment? What’s the deeper truth behind why it feels personal now?

This simple process helps you release the emotional charge, gain clarity, and reclaim your power.

It’s not personal even when it feels that way. The moment you recognize the pattern for what it is, you step back into your power.